porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
