Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
