You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
