gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
