I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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