So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
