just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
