i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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