I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
