What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am one with the molecules
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
