my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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