Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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