Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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