If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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