i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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