that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
