Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
