69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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