...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
