I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
