haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
