what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
