is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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