well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
