Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
