I heard we made out
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
