Reggie can tackle my bush.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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