I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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