After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
