I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
