Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
