Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
