maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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