I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
high people should be assigned attendants
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
