theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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