like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
