Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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