I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
