I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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