it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
