I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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