I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
and you fell through a lawn chair
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
