but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
