i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
