the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
