i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
