I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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