somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sext me about skeletons
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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