After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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