so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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