Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
