no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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