U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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