Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
