hotel room ftw
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
