You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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