this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
