this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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