were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize