after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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