I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
